# Age 13: Development, Research, and What Helps > What's normal at 13: puberty, the teen brain, sleep, social media, moods, first jobs and money, and how to stay close as your teen gains independence. - Stage: Age 13 (13 to 14 years) - Series: Chorevia Parent Guides, newborn to 18 (https://chorevia.com/learn) - Canonical URL: https://chorevia.com/learn/13-years - Last reviewed: 2026-10-10 - Publisher: Chorevia (https://chorevia.com) - Cite as: Chorevia. "Age 13: Development, Research, and What Helps." Last reviewed October 10, 2026. https://chorevia.com/learn/13-years This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911. ## At a glance - Most of what parents know about a teen's life comes from the teen choosing to tell them. Calm, warm reactions keep that door open. - Teens take more risks when friends are watching. Plan for peer situations instead of lecturing about risk. - Teens need 8 to 10 hours of sleep, and their body clocks shift later. Charge phones outside the bedroom at night. - The link between social media and teen mental health is real but small and contested. Set rules together and watch how your teen feels, not just the hours. - From age 12, pediatricians screen for depression and suicide risk every year and spend time alone with your teen. That's routine, and it helps. - Federal law starts most non-farm jobs at 14, but babysitting, pet sitting, and a family business can start now. - Lock up guns and medicines, keep naloxone at home, and save 988 in your phone and your teen's. - Family jobs can be near-adult now: cooking a meal, doing laundry start to finish, mowing with a walk-behind mower. ## Your age-13 checklist - [ ] Book the 13-year checkup and plan for your teen's time alone with the doctor - [ ] Ask your pediatrician which vaccine schedule they follow, including HPV - [ ] Make a family media plan together, with phones charging outside bedrooms - [ ] Agree on a no-questions-asked pickup code word - [ ] Lock and unload any guns, and store ammunition separately - [ ] Lock up medicines and keep naloxone at home - [ ] Save 988 and Poison Help (1-800-222-1222) in both your phones - [ ] Hand your teen one weekly meal to plan, shop for, and cook - [ ] Set up a monthly spending budget your teen manages - [ ] Open a teen bank account together and skip overdraft coverage - [ ] Talk through concussion signs before the sports season starts - [ ] Have one calm talk about consent, dating, and sharing photos Thirteen is the official start of the teen years. Your teen may want more privacy, more time with friends, and more say in everything, while still needing you more than they let on. This guide covers 13 to 14. For the tween years, see the [12-year guide](https://chorevia.com/learn/12-years); for what comes next, see the [14-year guide](https://chorevia.com/learn/14-years). ## What's developing Teens don't have a milestone checklist the way toddlers do. Instead, the AAP describes stages: early adolescence (10 to 13) and middle adolescence (14 to 17). Thirteen sits right at the seam ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). ### Puberty and growth spurts Girls usually start puberty one to two years before boys, and many girls get their first period around age 12, about 2 to 3 years after breast development begins ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). For boys, the peak growth period comes about two years after puberty starts, so many girls are taller than boys their age in junior high until boys catch up within a year or two. About 25 percent of a person's growth in height happens during puberty ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Physical-Development-of-School-Age-Children.aspx)). By 14 to 17, most boys have started their growth spurt and may have voice cracking, and physical changes are nearly complete for most girls ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). The range of normal is wide. The AAP suggests checking with your pediatrician if a girl shows no signs of puberty by 13 or a boy shows none by 14 ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Physical-Development-of-School-Age-Children.aspx)). Fast changes can make a teen feel awkward in their own body. Some girls who dance, cheer, or play sports worry their new shape will slow them down, and some boys feel pressure to look "ripped" ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). ### The teen brain: under construction, not broken The brain stops growing in size by early adolescence, but it keeps maturing into the mid-to-late 20s. The prefrontal cortex, which handles planning and decision-making, is one of the last parts to mature ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know)). That's not a defect. NIMH also stresses that the teen brain has a remarkable ability to adapt and respond to new experiences, which makes this a strong time to learn ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know)). By middle adolescence (14 to 17), teens can think more abstractly and see "the big picture" but may not apply it in the moment, when strong emotions often still drive decisions ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). Teens may take more risks because the social payoff feels bigger than the possible consequences, and they may respond to stress differently than adults ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know)). See the research section for why the popular "immature frontal lobes" story is too simple. ### Thinking, privacy, and "Am I normal?" Early teens often think in black-and-white terms, feel a growing need for privacy, and feel judged by their peers ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). The AAP describes young teens as feeling "on stage," where small social missteps, online or off, can feel devastating. A central question at this age is "Am I normal?" ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). Identity is taking shape too, including for some teens their sexual orientation or gender identity. In a study of 245 LGBT young adults, those whose families had been accepting in adolescence had better self-esteem and health and less depression, substance use, and suicidal thinking ([Ryan et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21073595/)). ### Friends move to the center At 13, kids may believe that what friends say carries as much weight as what parents say, or more ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). Peer pressure may peak in middle adolescence, and many teens argue more with parents and spend less time with family as they push for independence ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). That pull toward friends is normal. It doesn't mean your influence is gone. ### Sleep shifts later The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night for teens 13 to 18 ([Wheaton et al., 2018](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29370154/)). Sleep-wake cycles can shift up to two hours later at the start of puberty, while school often starts early ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/healthy-sleep-habits-how-many-hours-does-your-child-need.aspx)). In 2015 CDC survey data, 57.8% of middle schoolers (in nine states) and 72.7% of high schoolers got less sleep than recommended on school nights ([Wheaton et al., 2018](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29370154/)). ### Moods and mental health Moodiness is common. Lasting changes are different. Many mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, can emerge during adolescence ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know)). As many as 1 in 5 adolescents has depression at some point in their teen years, and about 1 in 11 has an episode of major depression each year ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/childhood-depression-what-parents-can-do-to-help.aspx)). In CDC's 2023 survey, 40% of high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, down from 42% in 2021 ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/yrbs/results/2023-yrbs-results.html)). ### Body, food, and movement Youth ages 6 through 17 need at least 60 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous activity every day, including activities that build muscle and bone. Activity can also reduce the risk of depression ([HHS](https://odphp.health.gov/our-work/nutrition-physical-activity/physical-activity-guidelines/current-guidelines/top-10-things-know)). Eating disorders often begin around this age: an AAP clinical report put the average age of a child with an eating disorder at 12.5 years ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/Identifying-and-Treating-Eating-Disorders.aspx)). ## What the research says Some famous claims about teens hold up. Others are more complicated than the headlines. **1. Teens take more risks when friends are watching.** In an experiment with 306 people, participants were randomly assigned to do risk tasks alone or with two same-age peers. Everyone took more risks in groups, but the peer effect was strongest for teens (13 to 16) and young adults ([Gardner & Steinberg, 2005](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16060809/)). In a brain-imaging study of a simulated driving game, being watched by peers boosted activity in teens' reward regions, and that activity predicted risk taking ([Chein et al., 2011](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21499511/)). The nuance: reviews argue that imaging studies don't support a simple "immature frontal lobes" story, and that teens' heightened social and emotional sensitivity may also bring advantages, like flexibility in adjusting goals as their social world changes ([Crone & Dahl, 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22903221/)). Much of the risk taking that peaks in the teen years is sensation seeking driven by exploration, while impulsive, harmful risk taking is more typical of a subset of youth ([Romer et al., 2017](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28777995/)). *Takeaway:* Your teen isn't broken. Plan ahead for peer situations, and give them safe ways to explore. **2. Most of what parents know comes from teens telling them.** Researchers used to assume that "well-monitored" kids did better because parents tracked them. A study of 703 14-year-olds in Sweden found that parents' knowledge came mainly from their teen's free disclosure, and disclosure was the source most closely linked to less delinquency ([Stattin & Kerr, 2000](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11016567/)). A study of 1,186 14-year-olds agreed: disclosure explained more than parents' tracking efforts, and teens who felt controlled had worse adjustment ([Kerr & Stattin, 2000](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10830980/)). Over 2 years with 938 seventh and eighth graders, disclosure predicted parents' knowledge and changes in delinquency, while parents' control and questioning did not ([Kerr et al., 2010](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1532-7795.2009.00623.x)). How you react matters: in 982 youths, negative parental reactions to disclosure predicted more secrecy later, and positive reactions predicted more disclosure ([Tilton-Weaver et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19716171/)). These are observational studies, so they show strong patterns, not proof. *Takeaway:* Make it easy and safe for your teen to tell you things. **3. Warmth plus clear rules beats harsh or guilt-based control.** A meta-analysis of 1,435 studies found that warmth, rules and supervision, and granting autonomy were each linked with somewhat fewer behavior problems. Harsh control and psychological control (guilt trips, withdrawing love, shaming) had the strongest links to more problems ([Pinquart, 2017](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28459276/)). The links were small, and some ran both ways: kids' behavior also shapes parenting. *Takeaway:* Keep the rules. Drop the guilt and shame. **4. Conflict gets less frequent but more heated.** The idea that parent-teen fighting rises and then falls has little support. A meta-analysis found that the number of conflicts declines from early to late adolescence, while the emotional intensity of conflicts rises from early to middle adolescence ([Laursen et al., 1998](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9680687/)). *Takeaway:* Fewer but hotter arguments are typical. Calm down first, then talk. **5. The social media evidence is real, mixed, and contested.** In a national study of 6,595 US teens ages 12 to 15, those who used social media more than 3 hours a day were more likely to report anxiety- and depression-type problems a year later, even after adjusting for earlier problems ([Riehm et al., 2019](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31509167/)). But an analysis of three large datasets (355,358 teens) found the overall link between digital technology use and well-being was negative but small, explaining at most 0.4% of the differences between teens ([Orben & Przybylski, 2019](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30944443/)). Following 11,876 children from ages 9 or 10, years when a child used more social media than usual were followed by small increases in depressive symptoms, but not the other way around ([Nagata et al., 2025](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40397441/)). The 2023 Surgeon General's advisory concluded there wasn't enough evidence to say social media is sufficiently safe for kids ([US Surgeon General, 2023](https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf)). The American Psychological Association said it is "not inherently beneficial or harmful" and that effects depend on the teen, the content, and the context ([APA, 2023](https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use)). The AAP's 2026 policy moved beyond simple screen-time limits toward quality, context, and conversation, and it faults platforms designed to maximize engagement ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/helping-kids-thrive-in-a-digital-world-AAP-policy-explained.aspx); [AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/creating-a-child-friendly-digital-world-AAP-releases-new-media-recommendations.aspx)). *Takeaway:* Heavy use, late-night use, and how your teen feels afterward matter more than the bare number of minutes. **6. Later school start times buy real sleep.** The AAP calls insufficient teen sleep a public health issue and points to school start times before 8:30 a.m. as a key, fixable cause ([AAP, 2014](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25156998/)). When Seattle moved secondary school start times nearly an hour later, students' median sleep rose by 34 minutes, median grades rose 4.5%, and attendance improved, in a before-and-after study ([Dunster et al., 2018](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30547089/)). At home, devices matter: a meta-analysis of 20 studies (125,198 children) linked bedtime device use to about twice the odds of too little sleep. Just having a device in the bedroom at night was linked to worse sleep too, though these were cross-sectional studies ([Carter et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27802500/)). *Takeaway:* You can't move the school bell, but you can move the phone charger. **7. The cannabis-and-IQ story is less settled than headlines suggest.** A New Zealand study of 1,037 people followed from birth found that persistent cannabis users, especially those who started in adolescence, showed declines in cognitive test scores by age 38 ([Meier et al., 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22927402/)). But two twin studies (789 and 2,277 teens) found that cannabis-using twins didn't lose more IQ than their non-using siblings, pointing to family factors rather than the drug itself ([Jackson et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26787878/)). What's well established is the timing link: teens who start cannabis before 18 are about twice as likely to develop a substance use disorder as those who start later ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/Talk-to-Your-Teen-About-Drugs-And-Keep-Talking.aspx)). *Takeaway:* Aim to delay any substance use as long as possible, without scare stories that teens can easily debunk. **8. Family dinners help most when the relationship is good.** Using national data on 17,977 teens, family dinners were linked to better mental health and less substance use and delinquency, and some links held up under stricter tests ([Musick & Meier, 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23794750/)). A follow-up found dinners had little benefit when parent-child relationships were weak, but were tied to fewer depressive symptoms and less delinquency when relationships were strong ([Meier & Musick, 2014](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24511154/)). *Takeaway:* The meal is a vehicle. The connection is the point. ## Parenting techniques ### Talk side by side Try talking side by side instead of face to face: in the car, on a walk, while cooking. The AAP suggests putting your own phone away even during short moments like car rides so you're available when your teen is ready to share ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). Listening without judgment, keeping lectures short, and saying you love them keeps communication open ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-14-years-old.aspx)). Kids benefit from talking with parents about serious issues even when they act like they aren't listening ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). *Script:* "What was the best part of today? What was the most annoying part?" ### React so they'll tell you again The research on disclosure points one way: how you react today shapes what you hear tomorrow ([Tilton-Weaver et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19716171/)). Thank them for telling you, ask questions before you decide anything, and handle consequences later, when everyone is calm. Teens disclose more when they trust their parents ([Smetana et al., 2006](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16460534/)). *Script:* "Thank you for telling me. I'm not going to freak out. Help me understand what happened." ### Monitor with your teen, not around them You still need to know where your teen is, who they're with, and when they'll be home. The difference is doing it openly and by agreement. For ages 10 to 14, the American Psychological Association advises adult monitoring of social media, meaning ongoing review, discussion, and coaching, balanced with your teen's need for privacy, with more freedom as they get older and build digital skills ([APA, 2023](https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use)). Monitoring apps aren't a shortcut: in a survey of 215 parent-teen pairs, parents who used monitoring apps tended to grant little autonomy, and their teens reported more online risks, not fewer. That's a correlation; parents may have started monitoring because of problems ([Ghosh et al., 2018](https://doi.org/10.1145/3173574.3173768)). ### Pick your battles and negotiate the rest Pushing for independence is the work of this age, and some conflict comes with it ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-14-years-old.aspx)). Hold firm on safety, health, and treating people well. Negotiate the rest: hair, clothes, room tidiness, which activities to keep. Explain the reason behind rules and let your teen help write them; the AAP says involving young teens in setting media rules builds their sense of ownership ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). *Script:* "Curfew is about safety, so that one's mine to decide. Your room is your space. Let's agree on a once-a-week reset and I'll stop bugging you about it." ### First phones and social media Social media platforms in the US commonly set 13 as their minimum age, yet nearly 40% of US kids ages 8 to 12 already use social media ([US Surgeon General, 2023](https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf)). A federal privacy law, COPPA, requires sites it covers to get a parent's consent before collecting personal information from kids under 13 ([FTC](https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/protecting-your-childs-privacy-online)). Turning 13 doesn't mean your teen is ready, and the AAP says studies don't point to one safe age. A teen who is mostly truthful with adults and handles conflict safely may be ready for a smartphone ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/helping-kids-thrive-in-a-digital-world-AAP-policy-explained.aspx)). A flip phone or watch is a fine middle step, and you can agree on benchmarks, like no phone in class and no online fights, that earn more freedom ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/cell-phones-whats-the-right-age-to-start.aspx)). If your teen joins social media, talk about how feeds can recommend inappropriate content, and check in with questions like "Have you seen anything lately that seemed weird or scary?" Young teens often worry that telling you about a problem will cost them their device, so stay calm when they bring one to you ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). Check privacy settings together before they start a new app, and make a family media plan that covers everyone, parents included ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/How-to-Make-a-Family-Media-Use-Plan.aspx)). ### Protect sleep The AAP recommends keeping screens out of bedrooms, especially at night, turning them off at least an hour before bed, and keeping the same wake time on weekdays and weekends ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/healthy-sleep-habits-how-many-hours-does-your-child-need.aspx)). Teach your teen to use do-not-disturb or focus mode for homework and bedtime ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). Watch caffeine too. The AAP says avoiding caffeine is best for all kids. Caffeine-related emergency visits nearly doubled among middle and high schoolers from 2017 to 2023, and caffeine pouches can deliver up to 200 mg at once ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/nutrition/Pages/the-effects-of-caffeine-on-kids-a-parents-guide.aspx)). ### Talk about consent, dating, and sex Start now, even if your teen isn't dating. The AAP suggests discussing body autonomy and consent at 13, and notes that talking about sex doesn't mean you approve of teen sex; silence can send kids to unsafe sources ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). The AAP defines consent as saying yes (not just not saying no), without pressure, while thinking clearly, each time, and for each activity ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Helping-Teens-Resist-Sexual-Pressure.aspx)). Across 52 studies of 25,314 teens, parent-teen talk about sex had a small protective link with condom and contraceptive use, stronger for girls and for talks with mothers ([Widman et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26524189/)). Abstinence-only-until-marriage programs, by contrast, haven't been shown to delay first sex ([Santelli et al., 2017](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28842065/)). *Script:* "Whatever you decide about dating, you never owe anyone a yes. And if someone says no or seems unsure, that's a no." ### Talk about substances The AAP's core advice: connection matters more than control. Ask open-ended questions ("What have you heard about vaping at school?"), skip scare tactics, and state clearly that you don't want them using alcohol or drugs while their brain is developing ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/Talk-to-Your-Teen-About-Drugs-And-Keep-Talking.aspx)). You can also tell them most peers aren't using: in 2025, 91% of eighth graders reported no marijuana, alcohol, or nicotine in the past 30 days ([NIDA](https://nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2025/12/reported-use-of-most-drugs-remains-low-among-us-teens)). *Script:* "I'm not asking because I think you're in trouble. I'm asking because I want to know what you're dealing with." ### Support a healthy body image The AAP advises focusing on healthy habits rather than weight ([Golden et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27550979/)): more family meals, no "weight talk" or weight teasing at home, and promoting a healthy body image ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/Identifying-and-Treating-Eating-Disorders.aspx)). Comparing themselves with bodies online is developmentally normal, so remind your teen that every body and every path through puberty is different ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). ### When your teen is figuring out who they are If your teen comes out or is questioning, a calm, nonjudgmental response shows them they can trust you ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-14-years-old.aspx)). Family acceptance in adolescence is tied to better mental health for LGBT young people ([Ryan et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21073595/)). You don't need all the answers; you need to stay in the conversation. ## What to teach At 13, your teen is ready for real, grown-up skills around the house and with money. The goal is competence, not perfection. ### Family jobs at a near-adult level The AAP says chores still matter in the teen years, building life skills and a sense of shared teamwork. Teen-level jobs include vacuuming shared spaces, washing the car, yard work, shoveling snow, cleaning the kitchen after a meal, pet care, and helping with younger siblings. As the AAP puts it, a teen who can run a smartphone can figure out a washing machine, an oven, and a dishwasher. Busy schedules aren't a pass: practice doesn't make anyone too busy to take out the trash ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Household-Chores-for-Adolescents.aspx)). Helping the family is good for teens, too. In a daily diary study of 752 teens ages 14 to 15, days spent helping the family weren't stressful; they were linked to more happiness, largely because teens felt they were filling a meaningful role ([Telzer & Fuligni, 2009](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19586187/)). Good jobs to hand over now: - Plan, shop for, and cook one family meal a week. - Do their own laundry, start to finish. - Clean a bathroom. - Mow with a walk-behind power mower. The AAP recommends age 12 for a walk-behind power mower and 16 for a ride-on mower ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Lawnmower-Safety.aspx)). - Watch a younger sibling for short stretches. Keep two categories separate. **Family jobs** are expected and unpaid, because everyone who lives in the house helps run it. **Extra jobs**, like washing the neighbor's car or a big one-off project, can earn money. Be honest with yourself that research on paying kids for chores is limited and mixed. Lab studies find that expected, tangible rewards can undercut kids' motivation for tasks they already enjoy ([Deci et al., 1999](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10589297/)), but another meta-analysis found that rewards for low-interest tasks don't hurt and can help ([Cameron et al., 2001](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22478353/)). Neither directly tested paying teens for housework. For practical setups, see [chores by age and what to pay](https://chorevia.com/blog/chores-by-age-what-to-pay) and [how to stop nagging about chores](https://chorevia.com/blog/stop-nagging-kids-about-chores). ### Money: from allowance to a real budget The CFPB notes that teens generally start to earn money and make decisions on their own, and names independent decision-making as the money milestone for this age. Its talking points for teens: you can earn money; set money aside for things you want; compare prices before you buy; a loan means paying back more because of interest; and keep personal information private ([CFPB](https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/money-as-you-grow/teen-young-adult/)). Your example matters. In a survey of 2,098 first-year college students, what they learned from parents as teens predicted their financial attitudes and behavior more strongly than work experience and high school financial education combined ([Shim et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20938727/)). Classes help too: a meta-analysis of 76 randomized experiments found that financial education improves knowledge and later money behaviors ([Kaiser et al., 2022](https://www.nber.org/papers/w27057)). At 13, move from small, frequent handouts to a monthly amount for one real category, such as clothes or entertainment, and let your teen manage it, including the occasional mistake. A bank account helps. Teens under 18 (21 in some states) may need a joint account with an adult. Review statements together, learn the difference between current and available balance, and know that banks can charge overdraft fees on ATM withdrawals and one-time debit card purchases only if you opt in to overdraft coverage; if you don't, those transactions are simply declined when the money isn't there ([FDIC](https://www.fdic.gov/consumer-resource-center/2023-04/your-first-job)). For more, see [teaching kids financial skills](https://chorevia.com/blog/teach-kids-financial-skills) and [teaching kids the cost of living](https://chorevia.com/blog/teach-kids-cost-of-living). ### First earning Under federal law, 16 is the basic minimum age for employment, and 14- and 15-year-olds can work only limited, non-hazardous jobs outside school hours. Under 14, kids can do casual babysitting, minor chores around private homes, newspaper delivery, acting, and generally work in a business owned entirely by their parents, with some exceptions. At 14 and 15, work is capped at 3 hours on a school day, 18 hours in a school week, 8 hours on a non-school day, and 40 hours in a non-school week, between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. (9 p.m. from June 1 through Labor Day). State laws also apply, and the stricter rule wins ([US Department of Labor](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/43-child-labor-non-agriculture)). Babysitting is a classic first job. The AAP says sitters should be at least 12 to 14 and mature enough to handle common emergencies, should start with one child or as a parent's helper, and shouldn't watch babies under 6 months as younger teens. The AAP also asks whether sitters have first aid and CPR training from a nationally recognized organization, and suggests they find out the going hourly rate in their neighborhood ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Are-You-Ready-to-Be-a-Babysitter.aspx)). Pet sitting, plant watering, and yard help work well too. For formal part-time jobs, see the [14-year guide](https://chorevia.com/learn/14-years). ### Online judgment Teach your teen to check who's behind information before trusting it. In a district-wide study, high school students taught "lateral reading," leaving an unfamiliar site to see what other sources say about it, got significantly better at judging online credibility ([Wineburg et al., 2022](https://cor.inquirygroup.org/research/lateral-reading-on-the-open-internet)). Talk about ads and influencer marketing, and check privacy settings together before joining new apps ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/How-to-Make-a-Family-Media-Use-Plan.aspx)). ### Owning their own health Help your teen practice speaking for themselves: booking a visit, describing symptoms, writing questions for the doctor. The AAP frames time alone with the pediatrician as preparation for adult health care ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/One-on-One-Time-with-the-Pediatrician.aspx)). Healthy ways to handle hard feelings belong here too: talking to someone they trust, deep breathing, a walk, art or music, time with a pet ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). ## Activities to try None of these needs special gear. Most work best when your teen gets a real say in how they're done. ### Car-ride check-ins - **Time:** 10 to 20 minutes, during drives you're already making - **Builds:** Trust, everyday disclosure - **Evidence:** Moderate. Consistent observational studies link teens' willingness to tell parents things with better outcomes, and parents' calm reactions with more telling later ([Kerr et al., 2010](https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1532-7795.2009.00623.x); [Tilton-Weaver et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19716171/)). The car-ride format itself hasn't been studied. 1. Put your phone away and keep the radio low or let your teen pick the music. 2. Ask one open question, then let silence sit. 3. When they share something, thank them before you react. **Make it work:** Keep the car lecture-free so it stays a safe place to talk. ### Write the family media plan together - **Time:** One 30-minute family meeting, then a review each school year - **Builds:** Shared rules, self-regulation, buy-in - **Evidence:** Moderate. The AAP and the Surgeon General both recommend a family media plan ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/How-to-Make-a-Family-Media-Use-Plan.aspx); [US Surgeon General, 2023](https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf)), and the AAP says involving young teens in setting rules builds ownership ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). 1. Each person, parents included, names one thing they love about their devices and one thing that bugs them. 2. Agree on screen-free zones and times, like meals and the hour before bed. 3. Write it down, sign it, and set a date to revisit it. ### The overnight charging station - **Time:** 2 minutes a night - **Builds:** Sleep, self-control - **Evidence:** Moderate. A meta-analysis of cross-sectional studies linked bedtime device use and access to shorter, worse sleep ([Carter et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27802500/)), and the AAP recommends keeping screens out of bedrooms at night ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/healthy-sleep-habits-how-many-hours-does-your-child-need.aspx)). 1. Set up chargers for every family phone in a shared spot like the kitchen. 2. Pick a nightly drop-off time about an hour before your teen's bedtime. 3. Use a basic alarm clock instead of a phone alarm. **Make it work:** Dock your own phone too. The AAP notes that kids copy what they see ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/helping-kids-thrive-in-a-digital-world-AAP-policy-explained.aspx)). ### Teen-run dinner night - **Time:** About 1 to 2 hours, once a week - **Builds:** Cooking, planning, budgeting, family connection - **Evidence:** Emerging. Family dinners are linked to better teen well-being when family relationships are strong ([Meier & Musick, 2014](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24511154/)), and the AAP suggests planning meals with teens ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). Teen-cooked dinners haven't been studied directly. 1. Give your teen a grocery budget for one dinner. 2. They choose the recipe, write the list, and shop with you or on their own. 3. They cook while you assist only when asked, and everyone eats together. **Make it work:** Praise the effort, not just the food. Cleanup can be someone else's job that night. ### The monthly budget - **Time:** 20 minutes to set up, then 10 minutes a month - **Builds:** Planning, delayed gratification, money judgment - **Evidence:** Emerging. Parents' teaching in the teen years predicts young adults' money habits in survey research ([Shim et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20938727/)), and the CFPB names independent money decisions as this age's milestone ([CFPB](https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/money-as-you-grow/teen-young-adult/)). Giving teens a set budget hasn't been tested in trials. 1. Pick one spending category your teen will now cover, like clothes or outings. 2. Agree on a monthly amount and what it has to cover. 3. Check in monthly: what went well, what ran out, what to change. **Make it work:** Don't bail them out mid-month. A small, early mistake is cheap tuition. ### Start a babysitting or pet-sitting business - **Time:** A first aid class, then a few hours a week - **Builds:** Responsibility, work skills, earning - **Evidence:** Emerging. The AAP gives readiness guidance for young sitters ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Are-You-Ready-to-Be-a-Babysitter.aspx)), and federal law allows casual babysitting before 14 ([US Department of Labor](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/43-child-labor-non-agriculture)). Benefits of informal jobs like these haven't been well studied. 1. Take a first aid and CPR course from a nationally recognized organization. 2. Start with one child, an older child, or as a parent's helper, and only for families you know. 3. Ask local sitters and parents about the going rate and set your price. 4. Keep a simple log of jobs and earnings. **Make it work:** Agree that you know where your teen is working and when they'll be home. ### Fact-check a viral post - **Time:** 15 minutes, whenever something wild shows up in a feed - **Builds:** Media literacy, skepticism - **Evidence:** Emerging. A district-wide classroom study found lateral reading lessons improved high schoolers' ability to judge online credibility ([Wineburg et al., 2022](https://cor.inquirygroup.org/research/lateral-reading-on-the-open-internet)); this home version hasn't been tested. 1. Pick a surprising post or claim your teen saw. 2. Before reading it closely, open new tabs and search for who is behind it. 3. Decide together whether you'd share it, and why. ### Volunteer together - **Time:** A few hours a month - **Builds:** Empathy, purpose, connection outside the family - **Evidence:** Emerging. In a randomized trial with 106 tenth graders, volunteering weekly with younger children for 2 months lowered some heart-disease risk markers compared with a wait-list group ([Schreier et al., 2013](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23440253/)). 1. Let your teen choose a cause: animals, younger kids, food banks, the environment. 2. Find a regular role with an organization that welcomes 13-year-olds. 3. Talk afterward about what they noticed. ### Move together - **Time:** At least 60 minutes a day for your teen; join for some of it - **Builds:** Fitness, mood, sleep - **Evidence:** Strong. A meta-analysis of 21 studies (2,441 young people) found physical activity programs modestly reduced depressive symptoms by the end of the programs, with bigger effects in those 13 and older ([Recchia et al., 2023](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36595284/)); federal guidelines call for 60 minutes a day ([HHS](https://odphp.health.gov/our-work/nutrition-physical-activity/physical-activity-guidelines/current-guidelines/top-10-things-know)). 1. Ask your teen what kind of movement they actually like. 2. Put one shared activity a week on the calendar: a hike, a pickup game, a bike ride. 3. Include muscle- and bone-building activities like climbing, jumping, or basketball. ### "What would you do if" talks - **Time:** 5 minutes, a few times a month - **Builds:** Decision-making, consent, refusal skills - **Evidence:** Moderate. Parent-teen talk about sex has a small protective link with safer sex in a meta-analysis of 52 studies ([Widman et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26524189/)), and in a randomized trial of 324 families, a family-based dating abuse program reduced physical dating abuse victimization at 3 months ([Foshee et al., 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22999835/)). 1. Pose a short, realistic scenario: "Someone at a party offers you a vape." "A friend asks for a photo." 2. Ask what they'd do, and what would make it hard. 3. Share how you'd handle it, briefly, and help them find words they'd actually say. **Make it work:** Borrow scenarios from shows or news stories so it doesn't feel personal. ### Set up a no-questions-asked pickup code - **Time:** 10 minutes to set up - **Builds:** A safe exit from risky situations - **Evidence:** Emerging. The AAP recommends promising to pick up your teen, no questions asked, whenever they feel uncomfortable ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx); [AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/Talk-to-Your-Teen-About-Drugs-And-Keep-Talking.aspx)); it hasn't been formally studied. 1. Agree on a code word or a single emoji your teen can text. 2. When it arrives, call with an "emergency" that requires them home, or go get them. 3. Talk the next day, listening and problem-solving instead of lecturing. **Make it work:** Keep the promise every time, or it stops working. ### Let your teen run the checkup - **Time:** 15 minutes before the visit - **Builds:** Self-advocacy, health skills - **Evidence:** Moderate. In a randomized trial with 562 high schoolers, hearing a doctor promise confidentiality raised teens' willingness to discuss sensitive topics and to come back for care ([Ford et al., 1997](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9307357/)), and the AAP recommends private time with the pediatrician for teens ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/One-on-One-Time-with-the-Pediatrician.aspx)). 1. Have your teen write two or three questions of their own. 2. Let them check in and answer the doctor's questions first. 3. Step out without fuss when the doctor asks for time alone. ### Pre-season concussion talk - **Time:** 10 minutes before each sports season - **Builds:** Body awareness, willingness to report injuries - **Evidence:** Moderate. The AAP advises teaching young athletes to report symptoms right away and notes newer research showing that athletes who leave play sooner after a concussion recover sooner ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/injuries-emergencies/sports-injuries/Pages/Concussions.aspx)). 1. Go over common symptoms together: headache, dizziness, blurry vision, feeling foggy, "not feeling right." 2. Make the rule clear: any hit plus symptoms means stop and tell the coach and you. 3. Check that helmets and gear fit. **Make it work:** Say it out loud: missing one game beats missing the whole season. ## Common questions ### Is it normal for my 13-year-old to pull away and argue all the time? Yes, more privacy, more time with friends, and some arguing are normal at 13. Early teens feel a stronger need for privacy and independence, and middle adolescents often argue more with parents and spend less time with family ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Stages-of-Adolescence.aspx)). Research finds the number of conflicts actually falls through the teen years, even as their intensity rises in early to middle adolescence ([Laursen et al., 1998](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9680687/)). What's not typical: withdrawing from close friends too, losing interest in things they love, or big changes in sleep, eating, or grades. Those deserve a conversation and possibly a call to your pediatrician ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Mental-Health-and-Teens-Watch-for-Danger-Signs.aspx)). ### What age should my child be allowed on social media? There's no research-backed age, and 13 is a platform rule, not a readiness test. Most platforms require users to be at least 13 ([US Surgeon General, 2023](https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf)), and the AAP encourages kids not to lie about their age to get in early ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/kids-and-screens-the-5-cs-questions-for-young-teens.aspx)). The AAP says studies don't point to a specific safe age for a phone and suggests looking at whether your child is mostly truthful and handles conflict safely ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/helping-kids-thrive-in-a-digital-world-AAP-policy-explained.aspx)). The American Psychological Association recommends adult monitoring and coaching for ages 10 to 14, easing off gradually as teens get older and build digital skills ([APA, 2023](https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use)). ### How much sleep does a 13-year-old need? Teens 13 to 18 need 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, and most high schoolers get less ([Wheaton et al., 2018](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29370154/)). Puberty shifts the body clock up to two hours later, so a later bedtime is partly biology. The AAP recommends screens out of the bedroom at night, screens off an hour before bed, and the same wake time every day ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/sleep/Pages/healthy-sleep-habits-how-many-hours-does-your-child-need.aspx)). If your teen snores loudly, can't fall asleep for long stretches, or is exhausted despite enough time in bed, ask your pediatrician. ### Can a 13-year-old get a job? Mostly not a formal one; under federal law, most non-farm jobs start at 14. Before 14, kids can do casual babysitting, minor chores around private homes, newspaper delivery, and acting, and can generally work in a business owned entirely by their parents ([US Department of Labor](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/43-child-labor-non-agriculture)). State laws may be stricter, and the stricter rule applies. Babysitting, pet sitting, and yard work for neighbors are good starts; see [First earning](#first-earning). ### Should I read my 13-year-old's texts or track their location? Open, agreed-upon oversight is reasonable at 13; secret snooping tends to backfire. The American Psychological Association advises monitoring social media for ages 10 to 14, balanced with a teen's need for privacy ([APA, 2023](https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use)). Research finds parents learn most from what teens choose to tell them, not from surveillance ([Stattin & Kerr, 2000](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11016567/)), and teens who feel controlled tend to share less ([Tilton-Weaver et al., 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19716171/)). If you use location sharing, make it a two-way family agreement, explain why, and say in advance when you would look at messages, such as a safety concern. ### How do I know if my teen is depressed or just moody? Depression lasts and spreads: sadness or irritability most of the day, or no longer enjoying things, for more than 2 weeks. Other signs include more time alone, sleep or weight changes, low energy, and feeling worthless or guilty ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/childhood-depression-what-parents-can-do-to-help.aspx)). Teens often don't bring up their feelings but may answer honestly if you ask directly. Asking about suicide does not put the idea in their head ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/teen-suicide-risk-what-parents-need-to-know.aspx)). If signs last more than 2 weeks, call your pediatrician. The USPSTF recommends screening all adolescents 12 to 18 for depression ([USPSTF, 2022](https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/recommendation/screening-depression-suicide-risk-children-adolescents)). If you're worried about safety now, call or text 988. ### Why does the pediatrician want to talk to my teen alone? Private time is a routine part of teen checkups. It helps teens learn to manage their own health and gives them a safe place to ask questions they might not ask in front of a parent ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/One-on-One-Time-with-the-Pediatrician.aspx)). Pediatricians encourage teens to share important health information with parents, and privacy has limits: the exception is when a teen is being hurt or may hurt themselves or others. State confidentiality laws vary ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/One-on-One-Time-with-the-Pediatrician.aspx)). In a randomized trial, teens told about confidentiality were more willing to discuss sensitive topics and return for care ([Ford et al., 1997](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9307357/)). ### Does my 13-year-old need the HPV vaccine? The AAP recommends HPV vaccine for all preteens, ideally at 9 to 12, and catch-up for teens who missed it; teens who start at 15 or older need 3 doses. The AAP also recommends a first meningococcal dose and a Tdap booster at 11 or 12, plus a yearly flu shot ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/immunizations/Pages/Immunizations-for-Teenagers-and-Young-Adults.aspx)). US guidance has been changing. In January 2026, the CDC issued a schedule that, among other changes, cut HPV to one dose; a federal court paused that schedule in March 2026, and the government appealed ([Congressional Research Service, 2026](https://www.everycrsreport.com/files/2026-06-11_R48982_52fd7a3e65a96d965c83179625145f009fa1417c.html)). As of October 2026 the case was still in the courts and the federal vaccine advisory committee wasn't meeting ([Contemporary Pediatrics, 2026](https://contemporarypediatrics.com/view/what-pediatricians-should-know-about-the-2026-27-aap-vaccine-schedule)). The AAP's 2026 schedule differs from the CDC's ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/AAPs-recommended-childhood-and-adolescent-immunization-schedule-for-2026.aspx)). Ask your pediatrician which schedule they follow. ### Should my 13-year-old have a bank account or debit card? Yes, a teen account with a parent involved is a good way to practice real money skills. Teens under 18 (21 in some states) may need a joint account with an adult. The FDIC suggests comparing fees and minimum balances and reviewing statements together, and notes that banks can charge overdraft fees on ATM withdrawals and one-time debit card purchases only if you opt in to overdraft coverage ([FDIC](https://www.fdic.gov/consumer-resource-center/2023-04/your-first-job)). Remind your teen to keep personal information, like account numbers and passwords, private ([CFPB](https://www.consumerfinance.gov/consumer-tools/money-as-you-grow/teen-young-adult/)). ### How do I talk to my 13-year-old about vaping and drugs? Start early, keep it calm, and ask more than you tell. The AAP recommends open-ended questions, no scare tactics, and a clear statement that you don't want your teen using substances while their brain is developing ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/Talk-to-Your-Teen-About-Drugs-And-Keep-Talking.aspx)). Share the reassuring numbers: in 2025, 9% of eighth graders reported vaping nicotine and 8% used cannabis in the past year ([NIDA](https://nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2025/12/reported-use-of-most-drugs-remains-low-among-us-teens)). Explain that pills bought online or from friends can be counterfeit and contain fentanyl ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/what-parents-need-to-know-about-naloxone-for-opioid-overdose.aspx)). ### Is 13 too young to date? There's no research-based age, but group outings are a healthy way to ease in, and an older AAP article suggests waiting until about 16 for one-on-one dates. In that article, one pediatrician's general guideline was no single dating before 16, adjusted a year either way for maturity ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/When-To-Let-Your-Teenager-Start-Dating.aspx)). Whatever you decide, talk about what healthy relationships look like now. Among high schoolers who dated, about 1 in 12 experienced physical dating violence and about 1 in 10 sexual dating violence in the past year ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-teen-dating-violence.html)). Take first crushes and breakups seriously; the same article warns parents never to ridicule a first love ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/When-To-Let-Your-Teenager-Start-Dating.aspx)). ### How can I tell if my teen has an eating disorder? Watch for changes in how your teen eats, talks about food, and exercises, not just weight. Signs include eating only a few "safe" foods, cutting food into tiny pieces or moving it around the plate, not eating food they cook for others, over-exercising, baggy clothes to hide their body, and pulling away from friends ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/eating-disorders-anorexia.aspx)). Boys are often missed; their signs may center on muscularity, supplements, and purging. Some teens restrict the "quality" of food rather than the amount ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/Identifying-and-Treating-Eating-Disorders.aspx)). Talk with your pediatrician soon, without waiting for your teen to agree there's a problem; the earlier an eating disorder is recognized, the better the chance of recovery ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/eating-disorders-anorexia.aspx); [Hornberger et al., 2021](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33386343/)). ## Safety and when to get help ### Mental health crisis: 988 and 911 If your teen talks about suicide or you're worried they might hurt themselves, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. The Lifeline is free, confidential, and open 24/7 ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/suicide-prevention-things-parents-can-do.aspx); [988 Lifeline](https://988lifeline.org/)). If you think the risk is immediate, take your teen to the emergency department or call 911 ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/suicide-prevention-things-parents-can-do.aspx)). Ask directly; it won't plant the idea ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/teen-suicide-risk-what-parents-need-to-know.aspx)). Self-harm, like cutting, doesn't always mean a teen wants to die, but it raises risk over time and needs professional help ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/when-children-and-teens-self-harm.aspx)). ### Guns: locked, unloaded, ammunition separate Firearms are now the leading cause of death for US children and teens. In roughly the past decade, 40% of children and teens who died by suicide used a gun, and 9 in 10 of those guns came from their own home or a relative's. The AAP says the safest home has no guns; if you have them, keep them locked and unloaded, with ammunition locked separately, and make sure your teen can't get the keys or codes ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Handguns-in-the-Home.aspx)). Ask about guns in homes your teen visits. ### Medicines, counterfeit pills, and naloxone Lock up medicines, keep only small amounts on hand, and consider blister packs for over-the-counter pills ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/suicide-prevention-things-parents-can-do.aspx)). Counterfeit pills cause nearly a quarter of poisoning and overdose deaths among 10- to 19-year-olds. They're sold through social media apps teens use and are made to look like real prescription pills ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/what-parents-need-to-know-about-naloxone-for-opioid-overdose.aspx)). Any opioid not from a licensed pharmacy with a prescription could be counterfeit ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/The-Opioid-Epidemic.aspx)). Naloxone nasal spray reverses opioid overdoses, is sold without a prescription, and has virtually no downside if given when you're unsure; call 911 right after giving it ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/what-parents-need-to-know-about-naloxone-for-opioid-overdose.aspx)). For any possible poisoning, call Poison Help at 1-800-222-1222, which is free and confidential ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/all-around/Pages/Poison-Prevention.aspx)). ### Online exploitation and sextortion Sextortion is when someone threatens to share sexual images of a young person unless they send more images or money. NCMEC reports a sharp rise in financial sextortion, with teenage boys the most common targets. If it happens: get help before paying or sending anything (paying rarely stops the blackmail), report and block the account, but don't delete messages or the profile, and get adult help ([NCMEC](https://www.missingkids.org/theissues/sextortion)). NCMEC's free Take It Down service can help remove sexual images taken before 18, without the image ever leaving your device ([NCMEC](https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/)). Tell your teen ahead of time: the blackmailer is to blame, and you'll help, not punish. ### Dating violence Dating violence can happen in person, online, or through technology, including sharing sexual images without consent ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-teen-dating-violence.html)). Teens and parents can reach love is respect by calling 1-866-331-9474 or texting LOVEIS to 22522 ([love is respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/)). ### Concussion Teens can get concussions in contact sports, cheer, biking, and skateboarding. Go to the emergency department right away after a hit to the head or body if your teen has a headache that gets worse, weakness or numbness, repeated vomiting, slurred speech, unusual drowsiness or can't be woken, one pupil larger than the other, a seizure, confusion, or any loss of consciousness ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/injuries-emergencies/sports-injuries/Pages/Concussions.aspx)). Helmets for riding and contact sports reduce the risk of more severe brain injury ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/injuries-emergencies/sports-injuries/Pages/Concussions.aspx)). ### In the car The AAP says all children younger than 13 should ride in the back seat, and everyone should use a lap and shoulder belt on every ride ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/Pages/Seat-Belts-for-Older-Children-Adults.aspx)). Make "never ride with a driver who's been drinking or using drugs" a family rule, with your pickup promise as the backup ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/Talk-to-Your-Teen-About-Drugs-And-Keep-Talking.aspx)). ### Call 911 if your teen - Has attempted suicide or you believe they're about to ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Pages/suicide-prevention-things-parents-can-do.aspx)) - Is unconscious, not breathing, or having a seizure after a possible poisoning ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/all-around/Pages/Poison-Prevention.aspx)) - Shows signs of an opioid overdose, like slow, shallow, or no breathing, blue lips, or not waking up when shaken; give naloxone if you have it ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/substance-abuse/Pages/what-parents-need-to-know-about-naloxone-for-opioid-overdose.aspx)) - Has a head injury with loss of consciousness, a seizure, or can't be woken ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/injuries-emergencies/sports-injuries/Pages/Concussions.aspx)) ### Call your pediatrician soon if your teen - Has signs of depression that last more than 2 weeks ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/childhood-depression-what-parents-can-do-to-help.aspx)) - Has unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises they try to hide ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Mental-Health-and-Teens-Watch-for-Danger-Signs.aspx)) - Shows changes in eating, exercise, or weight that worry you ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/Identifying-and-Treating-Eating-Disorders.aspx)) - Shows signs of drug, alcohol, or other substance use ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Mental-Health-and-Teens-Watch-for-Danger-Signs.aspx)) - Had a hit to the head and has any concussion symptoms ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/injuries-emergencies/sports-injuries/Pages/Concussions.aspx)) - Shows no signs of puberty yet: by 13 for girls, 14 for boys ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Physical-Development-of-School-Age-Children.aspx)) ### The 13-year checkup Expect a yearly checkup with a full exam and, at some point between 11 and 14, a routine hearing test. Your teen may meet with the pediatrician alone for part of the visit, and the doctor will ask about mood, worries, sleep, eating, school, friends, online safety, and substance use ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/Your-Childs-Checkups/Pages/your-checkup-checklist-13-years-old.aspx)). The AAP schedule includes yearly depression and suicide risk screening from age 12, with care to protect your teen's confidentiality, and a yearly substance use assessment from age 11 ([AAP, 2025](https://downloads.aap.org/AAP/PDF/periodicity_schedule.pdf)). The USPSTF also recommends anxiety screening for ages 8 to 18 ([USPSTF, 2022](https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/recommendation/screening-anxiety-children-adolescents)). For vaccines, see [the HPV question above](#does-my-13-year-old-need-the-hpv-vaccine). ## Sources - American Academy of Pediatrics. "Stages of Adolescence." 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