# Day 147: Twenty-one weeks: both of you

> The 4-month depression screen just happened. Partners get depressed too, and 3 to 6 months is the window one review flagged. The question to ask each other tonight, and the hotlines.

- Series: Your fifth month, day by day (https://chorevia.com/learn/fifth-month), day 147 of 365, week 20
- Canonical URL: https://chorevia.com/learn/fifth-month/day-147
- Last reviewed: 2026-10-21
- Publisher: Chorevia (https://chorevia.com)
- Cite as: Chorevia. "Day 147: Twenty-one weeks: both of you." Last reviewed October 21, 2026. https://chorevia.com/learn/fifth-month/day-147

This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911.

Twenty-one weeks. The pediatrician asked how you were doing at the 4-month visit. Today the question goes the other way, to the parent nobody screened.

## Heart

The AAP recommends that pediatricians screen for postpartum depression at the 4-month visit ([Earls et al., 2019](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30559120/)), because about 1 in 8 women report symptoms of postpartum depression after a birth ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/depression/index.html)). Feelings that are severe or last longer than 2 weeks may be postpartum depression, and it usually doesn't improve without treatment but does respond to therapy, medication, or both ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression)). If you answered the screen with a shrug, five months in, you can still un-shrug it with a phone call.

## Head

Partners count, and this is the window. In a meta-analysis, about 10% of fathers had depression around a birth, rising to about 26% at 3 to 6 months after birth ([Paulson & Bazemore, 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483973/)); a larger, later one of 74 studies found about 8% and no effect of timing ([Cameron et al., 2016](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27475890/)). The reviews disagree on the peak; they agree it's common. And depression in one parent was moderately linked to depression in the other ([Paulson & Bazemore, 2010](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483973/)), so a quiet, flat partner isn't a separate problem from a tired mother. It's the same house.

## Body

Help now, for either of you: call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) or 988; in an emergency, call 911 ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/depression/index.html)). Thoughts about harming yourself or your baby are on the CDC's urgent maternal warning signs list, the kind to seek care for immediately ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/hearher/maternal-warning-signs/index.html)). None of this requires a diagnosis first. The [look after yourself](https://chorevia.com/learn/4-months#look-after-yourself-too) section of the 4-month guide has the same numbers.

## Try today

### The partner's lap bounce

- **Time:** A song or two, with the mother off duty
- **From the guide:** [Lap bounce songs](https://chorevia.com/learn/4-months#lap-bounce-songs)

1. The other parent sits on the floor with the baby facing them, feet on their thighs, held securely under the arms ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/4-months.html)).
2. Let them push and bounce on their own legs; keep it gentle, and keep the head and trunk supported.
3. Sing a rhyme and pause before the last line for a big finish.
4. The mother watches from the sofa, or leaves the room; that's the point of the game.

**Make it work:** Smooth, gentle movement only. Never shake a baby, for any reason ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Abusive-Head-Trauma-Shaken-Baby-Syndrome.aspx)).

## Watch for

- **Normal:** strong legs that push against your thighs when held upright; bouncing with support is a game CDC suggests at 4 months ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/4-months.html)). **Raise it with your pediatrician** if your baby doesn't hold their head steady when you hold them ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/4-months.html)).
- **Normal:** a hard evening, even now. If you feel yourself losing control, **put your baby on their back in the crib, leave the room for 10 to 15 minutes, and call someone** ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Abusive-Head-Trauma-Shaken-Baby-Syndrome.aspx)).
- **Normal:** night waking; in a Canadian study of 388 babies, 27.9% to 57.0% of 6- and 12-month-olds didn't sleep 6 to 8 hours straight ([Pennestri et al., 2018](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30420470/)). **Call 911** if your baby can't be woken up, isn't moving, or is very weak ([AAP](https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/symptom-checker/Pages/symptomviewer.aspx?symptom=Fever)).

## For you

Ask the partner the question tonight: "How are you, really?" Then wait the way you waited for the baby's answer yesterday. One word isn't an answer. The AAP's pediatric screen is for the birthing parent ([Earls et al., 2019](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30559120/)); the other parent's screen is you, at the kitchen table.

For the mother: your own answer counts just as much, and sadness that has lasted more than two weeks means go to the doctor, not wait for a visit ([OWH](https://womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/childbirth-and-beyond/recovering-birth)).

If you're the partner: this day is yours. Flat, irritable, pulling away, not sleeping even when you could, no interest in the things you used to like: those are symptoms, not character. Anyone can call or text 988 ([NIMH](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression)), and the line doesn't ask who gave birth.

## Sources

- Earls MF, Yogman MW, Mattson G, Rafferty J. "Incorporating Recognition and Management of Perinatal Depression Into Pediatric Practice." Pediatrics, 2019. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30559120/
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Symptoms of Depression Among Women." 2024. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/depression/index.html
- National Institute of Mental Health. "Perinatal Depression." 2023. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/perinatal-depression
- Paulson JF, Bazemore SD. "Prenatal and postpartum depression in fathers and its association with maternal depression: a meta-analysis." JAMA, 2010. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483973/
- Cameron EE, Sedov ID, Tomfohr-Madsen LM. "Prevalence of paternal depression in pregnancy and the postpartum: An updated meta-analysis." Journal of Affective Disorders, 2016. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27475890/
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Urgent Maternal Warning Signs and Symptoms." HEAR HER, 2024. https://www.cdc.gov/hearher/maternal-warning-signs/index.html
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "Milestones by 4 Months." Learn the Signs. Act Early., 2026. https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones/4-months.html
- American Academy of Pediatrics. "Shaken Baby Syndrome: Protect Your Infant from Abusive Head Trauma." HealthyChildren.org, 2025. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-home/Pages/Abusive-Head-Trauma-Shaken-Baby-Syndrome.aspx
- Pennestri MH, Laganière C, Bouvette-Turcot AA, et al. "Uninterrupted Infant Sleep, Development, and Maternal Mood." Pediatrics, 2018. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30420470/
- American Academy of Pediatrics. "Fever" (symptom checker). HealthyChildren.org, 2026. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/tips-tools/symptom-checker/Pages/symptomviewer.aspx?symptom=Fever
- Office on Women's Health. "Recovering from birth." US Department of Health and Human Services, 2021. https://womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/childbirth-and-beyond/recovering-birth