Chorevia

Day 179 of 280 · 25 weeks + 4 days

Who's with you

Last reviewed · 3 min read · 7 sources · Plain-text version

The NHS asks you to think about who you want with you at the birth. Today you choose, ask them plainly, and tell them what you'd want them to do.

Size this week
about the size of a courgette
Length this week
around 34.6 cm from head to heel
Two sisters on a back-porch step in late afternoon sun, one in a loose striped dress with a 25-week bump, the other holding her hand and listening closely.

Twenty-five weeks and four days. Today's question has a person for an answer: who do you want beside you when the baby comes? For some it's obvious. For others it takes a conversation. Either way, today you ask.

Your baby

One green zucchini on a plain pale wooden board, soft window light.

Around 34.6cm long from head to heel, about the size of a courgette (NHS). By 21 weeks, the NHS says, your baby could already hear sounds and voices from outside the womb (NHS). Whoever you choose today may be a voice your baby has heard before.

Your body

Thinking about who you want with you at the birth is on the NHS's list for week 25, alongside pain relief (NHS). By week 29 the role of your birth partner is one of the things the NHS suggests putting in your birth plan (NHS).

A birth partner can be your partner, a friend, a sister, your mother: whoever you'd want in a long, hard, important day. The NHS suggests inviting your partner to antenatal classes (NHS), and MedlinePlus frames childbirth education as being for you and your partner together (MedlinePlus). Whoever you choose, that's where they learn the job.

Try today

  1. The birth-partner ask

    Time: 15 minutes

    1. Choose the person. If you're between two, ask your maternity unit how many people can be with you.

    2. Ask them plainly, in person or on the phone: "Will you be with me at the birth?" Give them room to think if they need it.

    3. Tell them three things you'd want from them. For example: keep the room calm, speak up for my plan, tell me the truth.

    4. Invite them to your antenatal class, and send them your birth plan page and the urgent-three card.

    Make it work:

    If the obvious person isn't the right one, it's fine to choose someone else, and fine to tell the first person kindly. The day is yours.

Watch for

  • Normal

    worrying about the birth, and talking it through, which the NHS suggests doing with your partner, friends or family (NHS).

    Call 911

    , or call or text 988 or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262), for thoughts about harming yourself or your baby (CDC; CDC).

  • Normal

    a very active baby who jumps at loud noises (NHS).

    Call your provider right away

    if the baby is moving less than usual (MedlinePlus).

  • Normal

    leg cramps, on the NHS's list for these weeks (NHS).

    Call your provider right away

    for severe swelling, redness or pain of a leg or arm, a warning sign at any time in pregnancy and for 6 weeks after the birth (CDC).

For you

If you're the birth partner, this part is for you. Your job isn't to know everything about labor. It's to know her plan, to be there the whole time, and to speak up for her when she's busy. Go to the class. Read the plan, including the part that describes your role (NHS). Learn the three urgent signs on her card.

And ask her one thing she hasn't said yet: what would she want you to do if she's scared? Write down the answer.

If you're the one asking: it's fine to want someone who isn't the expected choice, and fine to want two people.

Sources

This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911.

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