Chorevia

Day 64 of 120 · Week 9

Who gets the big smile

Last reviewed · 3 min read · 10 sources · Plain-text version

Your baby is sorting out who's who: the big smile for you, a hesitant one for the sitter, a stare for strangers. Looking away is control, not rejection. Plus a chuckle hunt.

A Latino father holds his nine-week-old on his knees on a sunlit sofa, the baby breaking into a wide open-mouthed smile at him while an aunt on the next cushion gets a wary look.

The smile you get is not the smile the neighbor gets. Your baby is starting to tell people apart, and it shows in their face.

Heart

Familiar people get the big smiles, sitters may get a hesitant one, and strangers a curious stare (AAP). That sorting is new, and it's aimed at you. And looking away mid-chat is normal; it gives your baby some control and keeps them from getting overwhelmed (AAP). A turned head is a pause, not a verdict.

Head

By the second or third month, many babies "talk" back with coos and gurgles and smile when they see or hear you (AAP). The next steps have a wide window: chuckling when you try to make them laugh is a 4-month milestone, and a full laugh is a 6-month one (CDC; CDC). Around 3 or 4 months, babies also become fascinated by other children (AAP), so a sibling may soon get a bigger reaction than any adult.

Body

Watch the whole body during a smile: by 4 months, most babies look at you, move, or make sounds to get or keep your attention (CDC). Meet it: act excited when your baby makes sounds (CDC), and give them a moment when they look away (AAP).

Try today

  1. The father blows a raspberry on the back of his own hand inches from the baby's face, the baby's eyes wide and mouth open, a toddler sibling peeking over the sofa arm.

    Chuckle hunt

    Time: A few minutes, when your baby is happy and alert · Chuckle hunt in the guide

    1. Try one silly thing at a time: a gentle "boo," a funny sound, or a raspberry on your own hand.

    2. Watch your baby's face and repeat whatever gets a smile.

    3. Let everyone at home take a turn, and notice who gets the biggest reaction.

    4. Stop while it's still fun.

    Make it work:

    No chuckles yet? Smiles count. Full laughs often come closer to 6 months (CDC). Laugh games haven't been studied; the AAP's point is that responding warmly to your baby's signals tells them they matter (AAP).

Watch for

  • Normal

    a hesitant smile for a visitor and a long stare for a stranger (AAP).

    Bring it up with your pediatrician

    if your baby doesn't smile at you or look at your face (CDC), and ask about developmental screening (CDC).

  • Normal

    looking away in the middle of a good chat.

    Call your pediatrician right away

    if your baby seems especially floppy, or has shaking of the whole body (AAP).

  • Normal

    a big smile for the ceiling fan too.

    Call your pediatrician within a day

    if your baby isn't gaining weight or always seems hungry (AAP).

For you

The mother and father sit on the sofa after dark with the baby asleep between them in a bassinet, looking at each other and both smiling, tired.

The big smile is for both of you, so look at the other adult's face today too. A meta-analysis of 43 studies found depression in about 10% of fathers around a birth, rising to about 26% at 3 to 6 months after birth (Paulson & Bazemore, 2010); a larger, later one of 74 studies found about 8% and no effect of timing (Cameron et al., 2016). Depression in one parent was moderately linked to depression in the other (Paulson & Bazemore, 2010), so check on each other.

Anyone at home can call or text 988 (NIMH).

If you're the partner: when did she last get the big smile from you? If you can't remember, say something tonight.

Sources

This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911.

Get each day’s note the morning it applies

Add your baby to a free Chorevia household with their date of birth, and every morning for 120 days the day’s note arrives in the app and by email: what’s developing, one thing to try, what to watch for, and a word for you.

Create your household