Chorevia

Day 118 of 120 · Week 16

Getting your attention

Last reviewed · 3 min read · 11 sources · Plain-text version

By 4 months most babies look, move, or make sounds to get and keep your attention, and smile on their own to pull you in. A game that lets them call you first.

A Native American mother sits on a porch step in morning light reading a paperback while her seventeen-week-old, on a blanket beside her, kicks both legs and squeals up at her face.

Your baby has started calling you. Not crying, calling. Today's game is about answering.

Heart

By 4 months, most babies look at you, move, or make sounds to get or keep your attention, and smile on their own to get it (CDC). That is a different thing from a cry. It's a baby who has learned that a look, a wiggle, or a squeal brings a face, and who is now sending them on purpose. Everyday back-and-forth like this helps build connections in the brain (Harvard Center on the Developing Child).

Head

The game has two halves, and the second is theirs. Looking away mid-game is normal; it keeps your baby from getting overwhelmed (AAP), so a turned head means pause, not try harder. And your reaction is part of what they're learning: in a study of 37 babies tested at 5 to 7 months, babies smiled longer, or sooner and more often, at a parent's raspberries when the parent laughed too (Mireault et al., 2015). When they call and you light up, they learn calling works.

Body

The call comes in several shapes now. By 4 months, most babies coo, make sounds back when you talk, and turn their head toward your voice (CDC), and many are growing more sensitive to your tone of voice (AAP). Squeals are a 6-month milestone (CDC), so an early one is a bonus, not a requirement.

Try today

  1. The mother turned fully toward the baby now, book dropped, eyebrows high and mouth open in answer, the baby's whole body arched toward her with a wide gummy smile.

    The attention game

    Time: 2 to 3 minutes, a few times today · Laugh together in the guide

    1. Sit on the floor near your baby and look at something else: a book, the window, your hands.

    2. Wait. The moment they look at you, wiggle, or make a sound, answer big: turn, smile, say their name, "You called me!" (CDC).

    3. Look away again, briefly, and wait for the next call.

    4. When they look away and stay away, the game is over (AAP).

    Make it work:

    The waiting is the game. If no call comes in a minute, call them instead and start over; nothing here has been studied as its own activity, and it's for fun.

Watch for

  • Normal

    calls that are grunts and kicks more than smiles, some days.

    Raise it with your pediatrician

    if your baby doesn't smile on their own by 5 months (AAP), or doesn't look at you, move, or make sounds to get your attention (CDC).

  • Normal

    a cry that stops the moment you arrive.

    Call your pediatrician right away

    if your baby has a fever and cries nonstop, cries when touched, or looks very sick (AAP).

  • Normal

    a skill that shows up, then hides for a few days.

    Don't wait

    if your baby has lost skills they had: ask about developmental screening, or call your state's early intervention program for a free evaluation (CDC).

For you

The mother on the same step at dusk, baby asleep in a carrier on her chest, texting with one thumb, the father's silhouette in the lit doorway behind her.

The attention you need: name one person. In a study of 100 new mothers, unwanted thoughts of the baby being harmed were universal, and more common with high stress and little support (Fairbrother & Woody, 2008). Support is not a mood. It's a person with a name who you can call at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday about nothing. Write the name down today, and send the first message: "Can I call you this week? Nothing's wrong. I just need a grown-up."

If the thing you need to say is bigger than a friend can hold, call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262), or call or text 988 (CDC).

If you're the partner: you can be the name, but you can't be the only one. Help her find the second.

Sources

This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911.

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