Chorevia

Day 354 of 365 · Week 48

Words for feelings

Last reviewed · 4 min read · 12 sources · Plain-text version

Name what you think your baby feels, in three words, at the moment it's happening. Naming a feeling isn't giving in. Name the feeling, adapted for an 11-month-old: one feeling, one moment, today.

A South Asian mother kneeling on a bathroom mat wrapping her fifty-week-old son in a towel as he cries at the end of the bath, her face close to his and calm, the father draining the tub behind.

Eleven days to the birthday, and a word your baby won't say for a long time but can start hearing now. Today is feelings, named out loud at the moment they happen, and why that isn't the same as giving in.

Heart

The 1-year guide's first item under what to teach is words for everything, including feelings: name what you think your toddler feels (CDC), and talk about how others feel (CDC). Your baby has been showing several facial expressions, happy, sad, angry, and surprised, since the 9-month list (CDC), and the AAP's mirror games already label emotions as babies begin to recognize themselves (AAP). Naming feelings out loud is a CDC tip for this age too (CDC). The guide's activity is Name the feeling.

Head

Babies understand more than they can say (AAP), which is why the words land before the baby can use them. The AAP's script for a toddler's worst moment is three short sentences: "You're so mad. You wanted the red cup. I'm right here." Then wait (Swanson, AAP). Tantrums happen most between ages 1 and 3, and hunger and tiredness set off many of them (Swanson, AAP), so the habit you start this week is the one you'll lean on next year. Naming a feeling doesn't mean giving in: "You're mad, and it's still time to go" (Name the feeling).

Body

New fears of the dark, thunder, or the vacuum are common at this age (AAP), and they're the easiest feelings to name, because you can see what caused them. Expect your toddler, soon, to swing between fierce independence and clinging to you, especially when tired, sick, or scared; the AAP calls that normal (AAP). Rest and food head off more tantrums than words do: protect naps and carry snacks (Swanson, AAP).

Try today

  1. Close on the mother's face level with the baby's as he wails in the towel, her mouth shaping a word, one hand flat on his chest, the empty tub behind.

    Name the feeling

    Time: A moment, once today · Name the feeling in the guide

    1. Pick the moment in advance: the end of the bath, the goodbye at the door, the block tower that falls. One moment, not all of them.

    2. When it comes, get down to their face and name it in three words: "You're sad. The bath is done." (CDC)

    3. Keep the rule. The bath is still done; the naming is the comfort, not a reversal.

    4. Later, point it out in a book: "She's crying. She's sad." (CDC)

    Make it work:

    Your own tone is the first thing they read; the advice for a meltdown is to stay calm and close (CDC).

Watch for

  • Normal

    a wail at the end of the bath that ends in the towel, named or not.

    Call your pediatrician right away

    if your baby cries nonstop, or cries when touched or moved (AAP).

  • Normal

    a baby who clings for the whole visit when a cousin arrives and then crawls off to play; some wariness is expected (AAP).

    Mention it at the visit

    if fear seems very intense; in 1,285 twins, fear that was high and steady from the start, or rose sharply, went with more inhibition at age 3 (Brooker et al., 2013).

  • Normal

    a scream at the vacuum and a smile at it from your lap a week later; new fears of the dark, thunder, or the vacuum are common (AAP).

    Go to the ER now

    if your baby is hard to wake, isn't alert when awake, or seems confused (AAP).

For you

The mother sitting on the edge of the bed in the evening saying something to the father, who sits beside her listening, the baby monitor on the nightstand between them.

Name your own feeling once today, out loud, to an adult. Three words is enough: "I'm so tired." The CDC's urgent list for you includes thoughts about harming yourself or your baby, which need care right away (CDC HEAR HER), and the Office on Women's Health's rule is that a sadness lasting more than two weeks means going to the doctor, not waiting (Office on Women's Health). Most of what you'll name today is smaller than that. Naming it anyway is how you'll know the difference.

If you're the partner: your feeling counts, and it gets a sentence too. About 10% of fathers have depression around a birth (Paulson & Bazemore, 2010); the question "How are you, actually?" is one you can ask each other on the edge of the bed tonight.

Sources

This guide is general education that summarizes published research and guidance from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the CDC, and the WHO. It isn’t medical advice, and every child develops on their own timeline. Your pediatrician knows your child; if something feels wrong, call them. In an emergency, call 911.

Get each day’s note the morning it applies

Add your baby to a free Chorevia household with their date of birth, and every morning for 365 days the day’s note arrives in the app and by email: what’s developing, one thing to try, what to watch for, and a word for you.

Create your household